Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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