i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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