I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
