My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
