I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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