My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
