you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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