i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
