people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
where am i from again
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
