He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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