I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
