It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
