As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize