I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
