His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
