Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can text with my tongue
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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