All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
