i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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