Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
