Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
