Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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