you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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