I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
