wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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