Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
