I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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