My hand turned me down
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize