you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
