we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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