I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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