I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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