is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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