Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
