dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
