Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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