Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
