I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
we're so committed to being not committed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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