His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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