If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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