i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize