She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
