Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
only you would photoshop your dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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