2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
