My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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