Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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