Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we're making bets on your personal life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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