you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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