I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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