apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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