question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
