I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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