I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just threw up on my dentist
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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