she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
