i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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