Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
