dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
