I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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