: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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