are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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