Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Life is so much better after having sex.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
