That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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