The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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