they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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