You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm at about main and main street
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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