i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize