Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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