??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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