bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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