It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
