She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
