do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
